I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
