Can i not drive my cunt home
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
