you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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