they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
