For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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