Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
