Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize