apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
