The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
