hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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