Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
