conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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