im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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