My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
