I faked an abortion last night.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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