listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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