It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
