Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
