they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
