I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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