Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
