you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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