the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
