well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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