just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
