can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My life is pants optional.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
