those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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