No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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