I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We don't watch enough power rangers
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
