you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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