filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
