just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
