Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
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shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize