....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
do nipples grow back?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
