It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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