My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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