i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
