he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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