how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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