everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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