oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
