I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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