Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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