GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
