I'm jealous of your bromance
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I will be naked everywhere
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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