I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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