i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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