I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
