I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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