If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
