Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
