New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
