also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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