i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
