): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Someone came in the potted fern
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
