If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
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Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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