BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
