I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
