Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
