Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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