remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have post one night stand depression
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
