You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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