My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
