dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
