@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
